I’ve started this post in my mind at least 20 times over the last several weeks. I’ll just say it. Preparing for retirement is scary. I’ve worked since I was 14 years old in some way, shape, or form. It started with babysitting and playing the organ for church at the age of 14. At 17, I started working at the bank after school while still babysitting and playing the organ for church. This continued through college, including the bank during holidays and summers. Then I became a wife, and a school teacher, and a parent, taught piano lessons, served as church pianist/organist, directed church choirs. I went back to school for another degree. I became a school district administrator and when Lorelai went off to college, a high school principal. I like to think of myself as efficient.
It recently occurred to me that whether it looks this way to others or not ( and who am I kidding, it probably does a lot of the time), I approach almost every major task and some not so major tasks, whether personal or business, like a bat out of hell. Got to get it done, got to get it right, got to be impressive, got to be in control, got to make the plan right now, come on everybody get with the program, no time to waste, stop dilly dallying around, who cares if we have a year to plan. And here’s the thing…even if it doesn’t look like that to others, that’s how it feels inside my brain. I think HARD….ALL the time. And when there isn’t a project looming, the brain still keeps “scanning” for the next new thing and I get at loose ends and short-tempered.
It appears that I have “issues.” It’s exhausting.
Seeing though, how God’s timing is perfect, I recently came across this book.
I am about three quarters done but I’m reading so fast that I know that I’ll need to start over again as soon as I am finished. (Reference the bat out of hell approach mentioned above.) But here is what I know. I haven’t been living as soulfully as I thought I was. I’ve been living frantically.
This scary retirement thing may not be so scary after all. I’m going to choose to think of it as more of a blessing and a God-given opportunity to leave the frantic behind.